I posted a picture on Instagram from my trip to Africa with my ex-husband and our daughter, and someone asked me how I managed to have such a great relationship with my ex — enough to spend two weeks together as a unit.
The answer isn’t very complicated, nor is it impossible to achieve. The most important point to make is that I didn’t make it work — we did.
When I read the comments on my post, I see a lot of praise for our accomplishment. And it’s true — it is an accomplishment, especially considering that 90% or more of divorced couples don’t get along, let alone spend more than an afternoon together.
Let me share a bit of our story.
We met in late 1999, and to be honest, we didn’t hit it off at all. In fact, I kind of hated him… (I tell the full story in another article).
Long story short: we got married in 2001, and Maia was already on the way. Maybe if I hadn’t gotten pregnant, we would’ve dated long enough to realize we weren’t the best match. But as the old saying goes: If you want to see God laugh, tell Him your plans.
We stayed together for three and a half years after tying the knot and soon realized we weren’t happy, so we decided to separate. Maia was very little at the time, and we had to break the news to her. Obviously, we didn’t want to break her heart or confuse her. She was only three and couldn’t quite grasp the concept anyway. So, we decided to consult a children’s therapist — and I would say our “modern family” began with that decision.
During our session, the therapist spoke to us about the importance of what we say, how we say it, and most of all, how we act around her — because all of this would play a key role in how Maia processed the news and how much it would affect her.
Of course, there’s always sadness and confusion children go through during a divorce. But communication is key, and letting her see us handle things with love and empathy would make all the difference as she adapted to this new dynamic.
The therapist’s recommendation on what to say to Maia was surprisingly short and very clear:
“Maia, Mom and Dad are getting a divorce.
We’re getting divorced because we don’t love each other the way we used to. Now we love each other in a different way, so we’re going to live in separate homes.
This is only between Mom and Dad. Our love for you will never change — in fact, it will only grow stronger.
You had nothing to do with this. You didn’t make it happen. It’s between us — it’s not your fault.
And lastly, there’s nothing you can do to change this or bring us back together.”
I know it may sound harsh or even cold, but the truth is that children at that age are not equipped to process complex emotional explanations. Too many words could end up confusing them even more. The therapist said: Say less and let her ask questions.
That allowed us to open a conversation and meet Maia at her level, without overwhelming her or turning it into a guilt-ridden monologue. Instead, we kept it real — and simple.
Still, she was confused and probably didn’t fully understand what was going on. For a long time, she would ask why we couldn’t be together if we got along so well. Especially as we mastered our “modern family” dynamic — we always said “I love you” to each other. That was a hard concept for a young child to digest.
The process wasn’t easy. Honestly, I wasn’t ready to separate at first. I was still very much in love, even though I knew we weren’t good together. In fact, we made the decision to separate during couple’s therapy — which I highly recommend in these cases.
Even if we reached the same conclusion, I was heartbroken. All my hopes of having a traditional family were being shattered. But from the very beginning, we promised each other we’d put our egos aside and be as loving and civilized as possible — for Maia’s emotional and mental well-being. And it paid off.
Co-parenting after divorce isn’t easy. It’s not even easy when you’re together. The differences we had in how to raise her became even harder to manage once we weren’t a couple anymore. But we stayed focused on what mattered: protecting Maia. Our disagreements couldn’t come at her expense. That commitment was one of the most important steps in creating our modern family dynamic.
It’s also important to say that we never disrespected each other. No insults, no yelling, no fights. We were always loving, even when it was hard. Somehow, we understood that we would remain a unit — no matter what — and we had to protect that. Maybe it came naturally to us, but it ended up being key for a respectful and healthy relationship moving forward.
I asked Jorge once how he thinks we’ve managed to stay so close and loving all these years, and his answer was: “Simple.”
But I know it’s not that simple — otherwise, why do most exes end up hating each other or unable to have a civil conversation?
The truth is, it takes work. Just like staying together in a marriage does. But those were the cards we were dealt, and we played them beautifully. And yet, his answer felt true — because for us, it came naturally. It flowed.
Jorge is, to this day, my emergency contact. He’s the person I call when I’m in trouble. He’s also my advisor in many ways. My ex-husband has become my family — and my rock. Jorge is my safe place. And he’s given me the most valuable gift in the universe: Maia. I will love him for that the rest of my life.
We spend as many Christmases as we can together, and once in a while, we even travel as a trio. Maia recently posted a photo of us saying: “Lucky for the cutest divorced parental unit.” That was our confirmation: she feels safe, supported, and emotionally held — even if we’re not a conventional family.
Not only do we get along, but we also have a beautiful relationship with each other’s families. This makes it easier to share life events — holidays, weddings, birthdays — without tension.
Sure, we’ve had major disagreements along the way — especially when we had to buy her a car! That was so hard, we ended up going to therapy just to resolve it. Believe it or not, it worked — and now we laugh about it.
He lives in New York, where Maia lived until recently. She’s now moved to Switzerland to study for a Master’s in Hospitality. But when she was in the U.S., I’d visit her — and I’d stay at Jorge’s apartment. Sometimes I even overlapped with his girlfriend. We managed that, too! It’s incredible what love — real, unconditional love — can carry.
That same woman who asked me how we get along post-divorce also asked me something I found very understandable: How do you keep this complicity from becoming confusing?
And I get it. Sometimes, the lines can blur. You might risk crossing into emotional territory that’s hard to come back from.
But for us, it worked because we both grieved. We both did the work. We both accepted that we needed to redefine our love in order to make this work. I also believe that when you truly love someone, that love doesn’t just disappear because a romantic relationship ends. Loving someone shouldn’t be limited to being in a couple.
For me, it was a deep spiritual practice — learning to love Jorge and let him go at the same time.
I believe that when love is real, it doesn’t turn into hatred just because things didn’t work out. That love was given to him. It was born from something beautiful. How could I just take that love and recycle it for someone else? Isn’t that selfish? That love — that deeply important place in my heart — is his. Always.
And yes, I have another big place in my heart for my ex-husband Ernesto.
It’s not that I have endless space in my heart for men — but these two have permanent residency.
They will always be there. That’s why I can have a respectful, peaceful, and beautiful relationship with them.
As for Jorge, it’s funny how people react when I say I love him.
I get asked all the time if I’m still in love with him — or if he’s still in love with me. I suppose that’s the only way some people can explain how we get along so well.
But my answer is always the same. And I can speak for both of us here:
We love each other, and we are in love with being Maia’s parents.
Another important part of this journey is what happens when new people enter our lives — new partners.
I totally understand how this can be challenging. From experience, I’ve seen all kinds of reactions.
When Ernesto came into our lives (Maia was 4 at the time), it was difficult for him to accept our “modern family.” I took the time to explain how we operated. It wasn’t easy — it took time — but he eventually got on board.
That’s not to say he loved the setup. It’s hard enough dealing with in-laws — imagine having to deal with your girlfriend’s ex-husband on a regular basis.
Sometimes I felt awkward. But we made it work. And of course, it was worth it.
Maia never had to choose between her parents. She never felt she was betraying her dad by loving Ernesto — she grew close to him, too.
I can’t express how deeply peaceful it feels to live without hostility or resentment in this circle.
The true winner? Maia.
At first, she struggled to understand why we’d separate if we still loved each other.
But over time, she got it. And she even started asking why her friends’ divorced parents couldn’t do the same. That made her feel like the luckiest kid in the world.
I’m not here to preach. I’m just sharing my story. And hopefully, by sharing, I can help someone else see that this is possible. This shouldn’t be the exception — it should be the norm.
We made it work. You can too.
Sure, there wasn’t infidelity or betrayal involved, which could’ve made things harder. But I see cheating as a symptom of a relationship that isn’t working — not necessarily the cause.
It’s not my job to forgive or punish someone if they cheated. That’s their process.
Even if I believe it’s immature, hurtful, and disrespectful, wasting energy on that won’t solve anything. Whether you stay in the relationship or not, you owe it to your kids — and yourself — to put your ego aside and work on solutions.
Your children will thank you.
And you’ll live the rest of your life enjoying the fruits of that hard work.
